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Your son or daughter is graduating from college? That's easy. Just write a check - a big, fat one. Or take a special trip. Or help toward that first apartment.
But what if you don't want to be predictable? And what of the other young adults in your life, the ones for whom you don't want to break the bank? What's a good way to commemorate a graduation milestone - high school or college - without 1.) going to the poorhouse or 2.) looking like a cheapskate.
Sure, money is always a good bet. But when Wesleyan University sophomore Emily Marshall was a junior at her California high school, her mother, Kate, started to plan how the family could remember the event with something other than material goods. The family - including Emily's father, David - had already published several journal-type books on subjects ranging from writing an autobiography to maintaining loving relationships to caring for pets. And that would prove to be the best idea yet.
"We wanted something to be meaningful," said Kate Marshall. "In college, there are so many positive separations. But in high school, it feels like a bigger break, a bigger separation."
So the Marshalls - Emily and Kate - sat down to create a journal of advice and memories from the family. The way Kate Marshall saw it, graduates could then read the journal - filled out by family members - in private without feeling inundated with unsolicited advice. The result, "Words To Live By: A Journal of Wisdom for Someone You Love" (Broadway, $13.95), is a blank book with suggestions for parents and loved ones to insert their own advice. Some pages suggest how to be a good friend. Other pages are more practical, such as how to buy car insurance.
Kate Marshall said that such a creative, personalized gift helps stop graduation creep, where parents start by celebrating sixth-grade graduation, move on to eighth-, and with each successive event try to top themselves with bigger and more outlandish gifts.
With that in mind, Jacqueline Whitmore, author of "Business Class: Etiquette Essentials for Success at Work" (St. Martin's Press, $19.95), suggests treating high school graduation as something important, but not on the level of completing college.
A gift of $25 to $50 in cash, or as a gift card, is sufficient, she said; the amount "greatly depends on your relationship with the graduate or his parents." For the college grad, anything up to $150 is appropriate, she said.
"Most grads appreciate the money over a gift since it doesn't expire, it always fits and it will never be returned to you," said Whitmore.
If you are close to the grad, a more personal gift can accompany the cash or gift card, Whitmore said: "For example, if a grad collects something or needs or wants something for his new apartment or car, then a gift would be appreciated."
Some other ideas, from the College Confidential online forum:
•For a high school senior, write a fake check equal to the amount of college tuition. That is, of course, the best high school graduation gift, a free trip to four more years of schooling (and it's a nice reminder to the grad that they're not quite finished).
•"Oh, the Places You'll Go," the classic Dr. Seuss book: "You'll be on your way up! You'll be seeing great sights! You'll join the high fliers who soar to high heights." (One hopes.)
•For the crafty: a homemade quilt made from the graduate's old clothing.
•For the craft-impaired: a photo album filled with school memories.
•A duffel bag (laundry doesn't just walk itself to the washing machine).
•A basket of school supplies (glue stick, stapler, pens).
•A basket of tools (for hanging shelves, etc., in the new place, be it dorm or apartment).
•Stamped post cards addressed to family members.
Susan Campbell is at scampbell@courant.com or 860-241-6454. | 
