In the flurry of final projects, yearbook signings, swinging tassels and end-of-the-year parties, this year's crop of high school graduates may not appreciate this happy and hectic time for what it is: an American rite of passage.

But their parents know. It hits them like a thunderbolt. This fall, many of their children will leave home for the first time -- to go to college, to enter the military, or just to be independent. Even if they stay at home, they are no longer children. They are high school graduates sprung from the safety net of school schedules and parental control and launched into the real world.

"It's a very significant time," says author Kate Marshall, adding that many parents spend so much time engrossed in helping their child apply to colleges, organize graduation parties or make plans for post-graduation that they don't grasp the reality of the situation: that their child is moving on.

So last year, when her daughter Emily graduated from Campolindo High School, the East Bay mother of two decided to mark the occasion for what it was: a milestone.

"There aren't enough rites of passage for American children," Marshall says. "Some families celebrate with religious observances, but high school graduation is a time shared by almost all American families.

"It was very bittersweet," Marshall says of Emily's graduation. "I was sad because I'd come to the end of hands-on parenting, but I was thrilled and excited for my daughter."

With the help of Emily, Marshall wrote "Words to Live By: A Journal of Wisdom for Someone You Love" (Broadway Books; $13.95). Published in April, the simple book allows families to chronicle their own values, morals and practical advice.

"I wanted to do something special for Emily -- and our whole family -- at the time of her graduation," Marshall says from her brightly lit Moraga home. "Many people know that high school graduation is significant, so they mark it by buying their children expensive presents. I wanted to do something different."

The book truly is a journal, with headings on everything from "You'll laugh a lot in life if you ..." to more practical suggestions, such as "Here are some job hunting tips:" Family members can add their two cents worth to the book so that the graduate can have a veritable user's manual for life once they leave home.

Insight into loved ones

Marshall was able to develop a prototype for Emily's graduation present. She sent the book to family members -- grandparents, aunts and uncles -- so they could add their thoughts on love, finance, friendship, employment and even how to buy auto insurance. The responses reflected the family members' unique values, sensibilities and senses of humor.

"It was a great way for some of them to connect with Emily that they wouldn't do otherwise," Marshall says.

She says that parents don't need to go to the lengths she did in putting together Emily's book.

"Basically, there is no right or wrong way to use the journal," Marshall says. "It's just an opportunity for the family to chronicle things they have learned. Whether your child accepts that advice is up to them."

Marshall tosses a pointed glance at Emily, who is home from her first year at Wesleyan College. "I have found that many high school graduates -- and college students -- think they don't need advice," Marshall says.

Emily says what she cherishes most about the book her mother put together for her last year is that it provides more insight into her family members.

"This is a collection of people I love, so my book is very special to me."

Emily was more than the inspiration for the journal; she helped craft the questions in a manner that would be more appealing for younger people to read. "She was really invaluable in the process," Marshall says.

A journaling family

Marshall and her husband, David, are no strangers to the publishing process. David Marshall and his grandfather Karl wrote "The Book of Myself," a journal that allows people to write their life stories.

"It's a great way for younger people to learn about their grandparents, their heritage," Kate Marshall says.

She and David then wrote two other journaling books: "The Book of Us," which allows a couple to memoir their courtship and marriage, and "The Book of My Pet," which allows people to chronicle their love of an appreciation for pets.

"That last one was kind of a bomb," Marshall says.

She hopes "Words to Live By" will generate its own buzz now during the graduation season, as well as next fall, when kids are moving away.

"I knew that when Emily left home, we had done the best we could," Marshall says. "With the help of the journal, my husband and I had given her the best advice we had to give."

And that's really all a graduate needs.